I can't carry on my grandparents' name, but I can carry their name on me. This is the meaning behind my tattoo.
I got a tattoo on Saturday. I had wanted one for a number of years and I finally sucked it up and got it. My family had little to no faith that I would actually go through with it so I dont know what that says about my reputation but I got it and I love it.
It is a Celtic Shamrock accented in green and an Old English "B" in black. The shamrock is easily understandable because I've wanted one for a long time. The "B" is for my maternal grandparents, Bernie and Peg Brotzman. As I stated, I can't carry on their name but I wanted to carry them with me.
There is another meaning behind the tattoo. "B" could very well also stand for Brother because I got the tattoo with my two brothers. Some of you might be sitting there thinking "I didnt even know he had brothers." While the ones who know me best are saying "I know he doesnt have brothers." But then you would all be wrong. My parents might have only had me and two girls but it doesnt mean I dont have brothers. Chris and Jon Kindred are my brothers, always have been and always will be. We share the Brotzman grandparents which officially makes us cousins, but the bond that we have shared since we were younger makes us even more.
We have been through a lot together, both good and bad. When a close death in November had us all thinking about mortality and family, it became apparent that we needed to do something to stengthen that bond. We had been talking about tattoos for a while and the events of last Fall cemented our desire.
Chris got his on his left leg, Jon on his right. I got mine on my shoulder. Unique spots, but with the same message of brotherhood.
Neither one of us will carry on the Brotzman name, but we will always carry it in our hearts, and on our bodies.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Not long enough
I really wasn't planning on two blogs in the same week let along the same day. I wanted to space it out a little bit but I came across something and had to get it off my chest.
There is a March 31st parole hearing for the two jerkoffs who started the Boland Hall fire at Seton Hall University on January 19, 2000. In the full interest of disclosure I should point out that I was asleep on the third floor of Boland Hall about 20 yards from where the fire started.
Joseph LePore and Sean Ryan were sentenced to five years in prison a little over a year ago. If they are granted parole they will be released in May, just 16 months into that sentence. If you ask me it would be way too early. Three freshman died in that fire. Over fifty others were seriously injured and countless others will never be the same again. I thought five years was too lenient of a sentence. It should have been five years per casualty and another five years for everyone else. Let them rot in there for 20 years.
Maybe they didnt mean to kill anybody but you know what, they did, three times over. And then they proceeded to lie about it for seven years before they finally copped a plea and admitted to the crime, showing as little remorse as possible. One of their lawyers called them "Model Prisoners" as if we should just forget that the key word there is prisoner. Of course they will be good in there, they are in fucking jail. Calling these jackasses Model Prisoners is like calling Marion Jones a fast prisoner. They are still prisoners and still criminals.
I was lucky. I came out of the fire relatively unscathed. But I know people who were affected much more than I was. About a year or so ago, I was approached by the Prosecutor's Office and had there been a trial, I was most likely going to be called in as a witness. Apparently my testimony eight years ago was spot on and I was needed. It was something I was dreading. I can relive every minute of that night but its not something I wanted to do on a witness stand. I guess now I wish i had the opportunity. Maybe had it gone to trial we could have put those bastards away for longer.
I pray that this parole hearing is just a formality and it will be rejected. I'm not an evil guy but 16 months in a Youth Correctional Facility is just not long enough for what they did to those three families and hundreds of others.
My prayers are not for me. They are for Frank. They are for John. They are for Aaron. They are for everyone who stood with me outside on that cold January morning. And they are for everyone who has been touched by that horrific event.
I pray for Joseph and Sean too. What they will have to live with I wouldn't wish on anybody. I just hope they have to live with it behind bars for more than just another two months.
There is a March 31st parole hearing for the two jerkoffs who started the Boland Hall fire at Seton Hall University on January 19, 2000. In the full interest of disclosure I should point out that I was asleep on the third floor of Boland Hall about 20 yards from where the fire started.
Joseph LePore and Sean Ryan were sentenced to five years in prison a little over a year ago. If they are granted parole they will be released in May, just 16 months into that sentence. If you ask me it would be way too early. Three freshman died in that fire. Over fifty others were seriously injured and countless others will never be the same again. I thought five years was too lenient of a sentence. It should have been five years per casualty and another five years for everyone else. Let them rot in there for 20 years.
Maybe they didnt mean to kill anybody but you know what, they did, three times over. And then they proceeded to lie about it for seven years before they finally copped a plea and admitted to the crime, showing as little remorse as possible. One of their lawyers called them "Model Prisoners" as if we should just forget that the key word there is prisoner. Of course they will be good in there, they are in fucking jail. Calling these jackasses Model Prisoners is like calling Marion Jones a fast prisoner. They are still prisoners and still criminals.
I was lucky. I came out of the fire relatively unscathed. But I know people who were affected much more than I was. About a year or so ago, I was approached by the Prosecutor's Office and had there been a trial, I was most likely going to be called in as a witness. Apparently my testimony eight years ago was spot on and I was needed. It was something I was dreading. I can relive every minute of that night but its not something I wanted to do on a witness stand. I guess now I wish i had the opportunity. Maybe had it gone to trial we could have put those bastards away for longer.
I pray that this parole hearing is just a formality and it will be rejected. I'm not an evil guy but 16 months in a Youth Correctional Facility is just not long enough for what they did to those three families and hundreds of others.
My prayers are not for me. They are for Frank. They are for John. They are for Aaron. They are for everyone who stood with me outside on that cold January morning. And they are for everyone who has been touched by that horrific event.
I pray for Joseph and Sean too. What they will have to live with I wouldn't wish on anybody. I just hope they have to live with it behind bars for more than just another two months.
My Guardian Angel
I'm a guy who believes that everyone has a Guardian Angel. Sometimes these angels pop into your life when you least expect them but need them most. Mine did, but the irony is that she has been there the whole time. My guardian angel is my cousin Colleen.
Colleen is about four years younger than me and growing up we basically treated eachother like cousins who were four years apart. We saw eachother at Nana and Pop-Pop's house, did the birthday party thing and that was pretty much it. She got to high school the year I left for college so we never really interacted with eachother outside the usual family stuff. That all changed a few months ago.
I dont know what it was that changed things but it has been a blessing for me, and I'd like to think for her too. We started talking online more, just about every night. We exchanged texts and phone calls and went out for a few rounds of beer. But most importantly she has been getting me through a rough time over the last few months. I had recently had my heart broken and continue to almost every day. But every day Colleen is there for a joke, or just to listen. And I can't fully express how much that means to me.
Colleen has said two things that have really stuck with me. The first was when she told me that I wasn't the guy she thought I was. I don't really know how to take that because basically she said "I always thought you were an asshole but you really turned out to be a nice guy." But I'll take the compliment that I know it was meant to be. She really didnt know who I was. I was always the older cousin who was pretty much a jackass.
The other thing she said that hit me hard was when she told me that she always looked at me as a protective big brother more so than just a cousin. I was blown away by this. For a while I didnt even think she liked me, I had no idea she thought of me this way. Now, armed with this knowledge I'll do everything in my power to live up to the billing as the protective big brother. And hopefully I can repay what she has given me over the last few months as my guardian angel.
Colleen is about four years younger than me and growing up we basically treated eachother like cousins who were four years apart. We saw eachother at Nana and Pop-Pop's house, did the birthday party thing and that was pretty much it. She got to high school the year I left for college so we never really interacted with eachother outside the usual family stuff. That all changed a few months ago.
I dont know what it was that changed things but it has been a blessing for me, and I'd like to think for her too. We started talking online more, just about every night. We exchanged texts and phone calls and went out for a few rounds of beer. But most importantly she has been getting me through a rough time over the last few months. I had recently had my heart broken and continue to almost every day. But every day Colleen is there for a joke, or just to listen. And I can't fully express how much that means to me.
Colleen has said two things that have really stuck with me. The first was when she told me that I wasn't the guy she thought I was. I don't really know how to take that because basically she said "I always thought you were an asshole but you really turned out to be a nice guy." But I'll take the compliment that I know it was meant to be. She really didnt know who I was. I was always the older cousin who was pretty much a jackass.
The other thing she said that hit me hard was when she told me that she always looked at me as a protective big brother more so than just a cousin. I was blown away by this. For a while I didnt even think she liked me, I had no idea she thought of me this way. Now, armed with this knowledge I'll do everything in my power to live up to the billing as the protective big brother. And hopefully I can repay what she has given me over the last few months as my guardian angel.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
10 Years
Next month, I will celebrate my 27th Birthday. But April 28th hasn't always been a day for celebrating. Ten years ago on April 28, 1998 my best friend lost his mother to cancer and all of our lives were changed forever.
Growing up, Tim and I each had two moms, mine and his. I met Tim on his 6th birthday and we've been best buds ever since. Ironically, his mom left us on my 17th birthday. Mrs G was everything a kid could ever want in a "second mom". She always treated me like one of the family and when she passed away, I lost a special person in my life. But aside from being my birthday, it wasn't about me. It was about my best friend who lost his mother before he turned 16. I'll never forget sitting with Tim that night just holding him as he wept in my arms. He was forced to grow up basically overnight and he became a man that Mrs G would be terribly proud of.
In the last ten years, Tim has played a major role in a school play, he has graduated from high school and college where he served as school president. Mrs G wasn't able to see any of these events as we have but she has had a bird's eye view for every one of them. A year ago he was married to his sweetheart and next month they will welcome a beautiful baby into this world. I secretly had hoped that the baby would come on April 28th, thinking how perfect it would be to have everything come full circle ten years later. Something tells me that the doctors wont let it go that long but even if its not the exact day, it will most likely be the same month and the circle will be complete.
On April 28, 1998 Amy Gabrielli left this world far too early. In April of 2008, Tim and Jess Gabrielli will bring life into this world and I could not be prouder of my best friend. I can't wait to get that phone call and I can honestly say that I am not ashamed to admit that I will be crying when I do.
Tim is my brother. Jess is my little sister. Uncle Markus loves that baby already. And somewhere in Heaven a grandmother will be smiling.
Growing up, Tim and I each had two moms, mine and his. I met Tim on his 6th birthday and we've been best buds ever since. Ironically, his mom left us on my 17th birthday. Mrs G was everything a kid could ever want in a "second mom". She always treated me like one of the family and when she passed away, I lost a special person in my life. But aside from being my birthday, it wasn't about me. It was about my best friend who lost his mother before he turned 16. I'll never forget sitting with Tim that night just holding him as he wept in my arms. He was forced to grow up basically overnight and he became a man that Mrs G would be terribly proud of.
In the last ten years, Tim has played a major role in a school play, he has graduated from high school and college where he served as school president. Mrs G wasn't able to see any of these events as we have but she has had a bird's eye view for every one of them. A year ago he was married to his sweetheart and next month they will welcome a beautiful baby into this world. I secretly had hoped that the baby would come on April 28th, thinking how perfect it would be to have everything come full circle ten years later. Something tells me that the doctors wont let it go that long but even if its not the exact day, it will most likely be the same month and the circle will be complete.
On April 28, 1998 Amy Gabrielli left this world far too early. In April of 2008, Tim and Jess Gabrielli will bring life into this world and I could not be prouder of my best friend. I can't wait to get that phone call and I can honestly say that I am not ashamed to admit that I will be crying when I do.
Tim is my brother. Jess is my little sister. Uncle Markus loves that baby already. And somewhere in Heaven a grandmother will be smiling.
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